I was driving through the outskirts of Hope, BC, having an inspired conversation with a close friend about “how to change”, as in how to ACTUALLY change your lifestyle, habits, self care practices. One thing that jumped out at me during our musings was the concept of being fair to yourself when making changes. There are two components to this “fairness”. The first is setting realistic goals and the second is providing yourself with the means to achieve them.

I thought about this a lot over the past few days and was able to identify areas in my life where I am attempting to make big changes but failing to do one or the other of the “fairness” steps in the process. For instance, I set a goal of losing 25 lb this summer — that would be 8 lbs a month!! Not realistic. I also have not been providing myself with healthy, easily accessible food or prepared lunches and snacks to take to work in order to maintain a healthy and regular eating schedule. Overall when I consider the way I am approaching weight loss at the present time it is, well, wrought with unfairness to myself!

I can’t expect to lose 8 lb in one month because at my size that would be unhealthy. Also, if I am asking myself to change my eating habits, asking my metabolism to heal and speed up but not providing me with plenty of healthy prepared snacks and lunches, that’s just plain mean! ;)

My friend Chantel, one of my biggest inspirations, has been continually encouraging me to be compassionate with myself. I have come to blog this morning with the realization that for me this is easier to understand and implement when I think of it as being FAIR to myself, giving myself a FAIR chance to change. Up until this point I don’t think i’ve been all that fair to me.

Self, I’m sorry for expecting you to change but not providing you with the means to change. From now on I will make every effort, with all my heart, to be your benefactress.



Hey all. 

My lovely friend Chantel has posted, what I consider to be, a very wise and sobering post about the issues surrounding the struggle with weight loss and the fact that the most acute of those issues, a person’s mental an emotional health, is often not addressed at all in the process of attempting weight loss.

Give it a read.  It’ll be worth your time, I promise!



 Copied from blog:

Weight Loss + Mental Health ~ May 26, 2009

It seems like today, my brain is stuck on one thing…

Why am I more successful this time around? What is the one thing I see consistantly in the WW message boards that I think needs to be better addressed?

I see a HUGE need out there for more of a focus on mental health, when addressing weight loss. A huge, crying out for help, “Why can’t I get through this?!” need…

Most of us know what we should be eating, right? We’ve seen the food pyramid, we know that if we eat loads of fatty foods, and skip the veggies, we’ll probably end up fat and unhealthy, right? We see the signs saying “5-10 servings of fruits and vegetables per day”. We know that Milk does a body good. McDonalds in = Belly out.

So why are we eating like this? Why are we killing ourselves with what we’re putting in our mouths?!

I think that a lot of us are feeding something other than our stomach, and I think that a lot of us haven’t taken the steps necessary to find our way out of that…

As we’ve seen before in this blog, I am a recovering Binge Eater. I fight with depression, and anxiety, and low self-esteem, and difficulty finding self worth. I ate my way through loaves of bread, boxes of pasta, packages of frozen waffles, cartons of ice cream, bags of cookies, bags of chips, cheese, massive omelettes, chocolate bars by the hundred, litres and litres of pop, cake, burgers, fries, and pretty much any other comfort food I could get my hands on. I would eat until I felt like throwing up. I would eat until I hated myself just that little bit more.

When it came time to diet, how was I supposed to cope without my food there?! I managed for a few weeks, and then I couldn’t sustain it. I was SUFFERING! I was TORTURING myself! I might as well have been throwing myself down the stairs every day; it couldn’t have hurt any more! I was falling apart, because I couldn’t deal with ANYthing that came my way!

So now, I’m 20 weeks in to WW… 2 1/2 times my longest previous attempt. I’ve lost more than 70 lbs so far (results not typical, lol). And I’m not suffering, and I’m not struggling, and I feel better about myself, and my life, and my body, than I ever have before. I don’t feel like I need to stop. I’m not feeling that HUNGER anymore…


Well, this is after more than a year of therapy… This is after I spent a lot of hours figuring out how to cope with life. This is after I finally realized that, no matter whether or not I lose the weight, it doesn’t diminish my beauty and worth as a person!! I saw both a regular, cognitive behavioral therapist, as well as a therapist who specialized in eating disorders. I also see a psychiatrist, because one of the elements that we discovered I needed was what I think of as glasses for the brain, anti-depressents.

I’m not saying that therapy and pills fix everything. There is SO much hard work that needs to be done, personally, to make anything successful… I’ve worked my BUTT off, both before starting WW, and now that I’m on plan.

But I think that mental health needs to be brought to the FOREFRONT of the weight loss scene! How can you cope with losing weight, if you can’t learn to like yourself? Unfortunately, losing weight doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll love yourself any more…

I’m always interested to hear what all of you in Blog Land have to say… You can feel free to tell me that I’m totally off-base… But these are my personal experiences, and I’ve seen a lot of people struggling, for whom my heart is broken… This, to me, is a hugely important issue, and I want to get the word out there, if only in my small way…

Thanks Chantel!  You’re amazing!

Yoga! That’s right!


I have started The Biggest Loser Weight Loss Yoga six-week program!  So far I’m able to get about three yoga workouts in a week, but this week (and the six weeks after) I am committing to a full four.  Results will be posted below.  It’s time for getting my body strong again.  Yay.

I really like yoga.  I feel so high after doing it and very very light.  Such a good feeling!

Will keep you posted. 


And…the fog lifts





Hey.  It’s me.  Been awhile, hasn’t it?!  A couple of weeks at least. 

I missed you blog, which is why I have come running back to you once again.  Will you take me?! 

Alright…dramatic intro is over now.

Can I start by being super honest?  Yeah?


I’ve been eating terribly, feeling ill almost every day and, worst of all, feeling absolutely uninspired to write anything, which is quite out of character for me.  There is a cacophonous chorus of thoughts and ideas being sung out loudly in my head, but I just can’t seem to channel anything lately. It’s rather perplexing.

My life has changed so much at such a rapid pace, I think I am playing catch up.  It’s astonishing, really, how our bodies and minds take over and drive us forward, when our hearts are broken or numb. I just walked away from my marriage, so I guess this is what’s happening to me.  It’s a dull ache now, not as acute as it first was in the middle of April, but I have so much more to process.  I know I can get through this, I know I can treat myself well in the process, and this blog is a place for me to be able to do that!  Your support is soo needed too!  Please, if you think of it, send an encouraging message my way, or post something to the blog yourselves, something inspiring, creative, delicious…it will really lift me up.  :)

So, I am back.  I am comitting to re-enter the race.  I comitted to 120 days of healthy eating and living.  I got through the first 20 or so with near perfect compliance.  After that the emotional upheaval entered the scene and I was back at square one.  I’m going to start again, day 21 I guess, and it starts today!  These are my commitments for this week:

– cut out sugar completely (minus that from fruit)

– prepare lunches and snacks for work every day

– ride my bike to work


Love ya’ll.



So, I’m finally posting! Sorry for the delay. What with changing adresses and adjusting to my new life, I’ve been avoiding my computer in order to prevent too much introversion. But, alas, after sailing my ship each morning to the private cove of morning pages and scribbling down my thoughts with abandon, ive managed to “get it all out” and am ready to focus on things thay CAN be shared. So. Here i am.

Toni and I have taken to riding out bikes from our house (sounds funny saying that!) to English Bay, all along the seawall and Vancouver waterfront. Yesterday as I was riding, the wind literally in my hair, the sun in my eyes, my pale white scarf ruffling sidelong my right shoulder, I felt the biggest twinge of joy…elation even. This will definately be my preferred exercise for the summer!! I took a picture of toni for the record, cause the whole scenario was just soo darn beautiful.

So yeah. I’m exercising on my bikecand starting my yoga today. Post to follow with my yoga experience. :)

And another 2.5 lb!

Okay, another very short post, but a victorious one!

I am down another 2.5 lb.  Yay.  :) 

Hard work is paying off. 




Just a quick update. I weighed myself today and am down another 3 lbs! This was unexpected, actually. I’ve been avoiding the scale in order to just maintain focus on how I feel. I know Ive been doing well, food wise, but I’ve barely exercised at all over the past two weeks. That’s where the shock factor came in! But, yay!

3 lbs!



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